too young porn 9104
You don't know how long it has taken for me to come here and write. I'm not really sure of why I have thought about it for so long. I really dont know where to start.
I know it doesnt make sense at all. I just thought it would help me to come here and write a little. So much has happened over all this time.
Wish things were clearer to me... but they arent.. I hate not knowing what the future brings. I can only make the best of what I know now. I'm not unhappy.... just not fully satisfied with some things in my life.
Tomorrow and I'm done! I'm a bit nervous.....as far as my Externship. Other than that I am happy. Although, yesterdayyy I came on my journal and found a couple of tags on my tag board. They made me... feel quite upset. I don't want to come to my journal.. my place to get away to find people arguing. I want my journal to be a peaceful place where I can relax. As far as why you guys were arguing about... :-/ I'm quite speechless. It's not like that at all. I am in a very serious relationship... and well, I plan on keeping it that way. I'm very much in love. flsdhjsdhkdhfgdsfas...............! A poem... would be nice that's all! Geebuz... lol
Anyway----------> Changing the sub b/c that was confusing of me before... and it just doesn't matter.
My weekend went soooo GREAT. It was fun.. I went shooping and I went to the movies... watched that dance movie. Can you believe I forgot the name of it ..but it's really good! lol.. Yeah and to dinner.. then I went to a babyshower on Sunday..it was fun. I had to sing infront of everybody and I also won me a prize! Some cute earrings.... I'm in a rushhh...
I have to go.. it's 11:33am my break if over. Adios.
Heyy Buddys! Its raining here.... I love it when it rains. The feeling is so romantic... well sometimes. Last night the LOUD thunder woke me up. I couldn't go back to sleep... I've been waking up super early during these last few days. I only have 4 days of class left. On my tests I have been doing really good. As usual.. but better recently. 
It's Thursdayyy! You know what that means? That tomorrow is Fridayy! One of my co-workers and I switched off days, so now I'm off on Saturdays and Sundays. Perfect. Now I can enjoy my weekends.....! The extership thing is not quite coming along how I want it, but hopefully sometime by next week I'll have a site. I don't really have time now since I go to class and then work. ..Keep wishing me luck b/c its helping.
I was planning..on getting the internet back at home. But there are a few reasons why I don't think that that is such a good idea... the biggest reason why I probably shouldn't is b/c I rarely have time.. so it would just be there... and I'd be paying for something I rarely use. 2... ..well... not sure that I should say. 3 It might be a distraction towards everything that is going on in my life right now including school and work. But I should b/c I need music... lol and... far most important b/c I miss you guys and honestly I need you to relief my frustrations! 
Gent! I am still thinking about it.. think I should? I'd be around more often then now... not sure how much but ya. Then we could chat more and I'd be able to update almost daily like before. I see my counter hit 2000 probably a while ago! I'm so proud...! One dayyyy I'll get JOTW! ..........
Awwwwwww.. I have to go... I'm in a hurry now. T/ccc! 
I'm still really really excited! My last day of class is sooo close! April the 25th Then I go on my externship. I have a couple of places in mind to go to on my externship...though I may need a few suggestions from you all. I was thinking of going to Childrens Hospital here in Dallas. I want to work w/ cute kids! I have the gift of making kids laugh.... but then I am also considering of working w/ troubled teenagers. I have options and I want to be sure that I choose the right one. I am doing some research! 
OMG--- Easter is almost here. One of my favorite holidays! We also don't have class this Friday! Thats a good thing... you don't know how much I have been needing a break. I work all week until Sunday and I have something special planned for Easter.Looking very much forward to it. Please please... wish me luck for everything to turn out GOOD for me for the next couple of weeks. I NEED IT. 
I just finished class a few mins ago I am here in the library waiting for my friend to come get me, so we can go to work. Her lazy butt didn't come to class today... for like the 3-4th day this week. I am hungry. I'm very proud of myself b/c I havent bought any fast food... which is kinda hard for me b/c I am always away from home. I've been buying fruits and I havent had a soda in like almost 2 months now I think. I love orange juice! So ya... once I get a chance I am going to start working out like I use to. My belly is like ...bloop! lol.. Is okay b/c Gent still thinks I'm beautiful! Right!? .. lol 
Hopefully I get a chance to come by again and let you know how things are going for me. Happy Early Easters! 
Well, as you know I work full time and go to school. I had an interview at my school today. An interview to go on my externship site. I did really well, but I was told not to wear the earrings I wore and the shirt b/c they are too bright. Pink?!.. I thought you could never go wrong w/ pink. Well, ya I need to wear a dimmer color. Blah. But my career advisor said my earrings were still cute! lol
Well, when it comes to my real job interview I know what to wear exactly. Other than that I looked nice. My class mates said "get it girl!" "She looks like a real psychologist now!" lol..
On my off day today I have to work as usual. My boss asked me if I could... so ya know. Being the "hard" worker that I am I said yes. lol I don't mind. Time flies by and I can always use to money to shop! I've been shopping like almost every Sunday. Since it's like my only day off. I have to go and get these really freaking cute shoes I saw at this store. Other than that I have been doing real good. I am glad that April 26 my last class day. Then I will have a vacation before I go on my externship. Woo hoo! I have also been really really.. thinking of going on a road trip. I just don't know when I'll be able to do that. I don't like requesting off days. Especially since I started just a few months ago. I thought I heard thunder outside.. and I was watching the news like 2 days ago. They said today thursday there was going to be some rain. I love rain...that's another reason why I must be in a very relaxed mood.
Thank you for wishing me a Happy April fools day! ......... 
Which most of you didn't! But you Sparkle.. you could never forget! .... oh but the time has come for me to once again..go and live life until I get little time to come to the place where the world truly revolves around me! MY JOURNAL. I love ya!
Heyyyy! How is everyone?? Good I hope! Me.... I am doing alright. I have just been working and going to school. I start my externship soon. I am excited. Life now days..... feels a lot different than in the past. For many reasons. My family ..is going through a really sad time. Though I am never home I still feel it. I know how much it hurts, because I hurt too. I am quite speechless about it all... I really should change the subject.
I reallyy... really wish that I could come on here more often, but ...its hard. I miss my buddies.. I really do! Mike, Gent, Tonia, Spark! All of you... thank you....again for always coming by and checking up on me. Thanks to my first time visitors I'm sorry that I havent had a chance to come by and thank you for visiting me. .........I love ya.
Heyy, wow....it's been awhile. So many things have happend since too. I don't want you to feel bad for me, but.. I think this a very sad time in my life. For my family and I. My moms brother.. my uncle passed away on March the 12th. It is still a big shock to my family. We are so broken.... I don't really ..know how to cope with a lot of things that are going on. I stay busy and try my hardest to just keep going. I will just put it aside... no matter how much I try and describe the way I feel no one could ever know. I am very fortunate that I have people who care about me around me. I am not sure would would be of me.. if they werent here.
It has been storming worse than ever here in Dallas. Last night my co-workers were stuck at the job. The whole area was flooded. Thankfully today seems to look better. What a way to start the spring, huh.
......I just can't seem to stop losing track of my thoughts...
Well, it's been nice being able to stop by.. you all take lots of care.
Heyyyyyy! It's been awhile huh? .......I miss this place. I hadn't been able to log on here. Sorry. So much has been going on ever since, but I am doing really good. I've been working and going to school. I've been doing a lot of shopping...! Well, stuff at my house is... going well. I know the last time I posted things were really bad. Thankfully everything is still and calm. I'm hardly able to spend time at home... so I assume things are. They seem so. Yesterday was the first day that felt like spring here. It was soo nice. Although I could've have spent my night doing better things other than go to that bar my friends went to. Long story... but it's the last time I go to a place like that. I felt really uncomfortable the whole night. Anyway.. it's Thursday! That meas that tomorrow is my day off. I really...really I am looking forward to it. I had to work last weekend for a couple of people who decided to call in.
What else is there? I ate a mango like 2 days ago... and if you didn't know! I am alergic to mangos! But guess what I don't care b/c mangos are good! Ya.. well I have this light rash you can't see at all but I kind feel it on my face b/c of it. Ya know.. but its wearing off now. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm.. mangos! ...I miss my journal buddies! Tonya/Gent... and all of you! Email me..............! So that I am able to keep in touch more often. I have to come online at school now. I don't have the internet at my house anymore. Well, it was nice to come by and see all the hellos. Love ya! bbl!
I want to get away from this place forever….
I had been so angry at my mother because 2 days ago I asked her … out of all the times to kindly pick me up at school and she let me down. She made me wait for two hours. I didn’t want to call anyone else because I was really hoping that maybe she had forgotten. A few minutes ago the cops left my house. They are out looking for my Dad.
I woke up this morning to a day that didn’t feel any different than every other day. Except that I am off. I get to rest. Not surprisingly I find the same stack of dishes since like 3/2 days ago… and I ask my mom “why haven’t you washed dishes? She said, “until one of you both decides to maybe I will.” “I have not used one of these dishes” I will admit I haven’t washed dishes since I can remember. I don’t like washing dishes. Especially because she doesn’t think I do it right. Not only that but because that’s the only thing you can expect my mother to do around the house when she disappears for hours. She then said to me, “is that why your fat? Because you don’t eat here?”……………..are you kidding me? I’m fat now? .. Oh man did she piss me off. To top if all off I was already angry at the fact that she didn’t think I was important enough compared to whatever else she had to do, to go pick me up at school. My sister, dad, mom and I were in the kitchen. She made me mad and so I started telling everyone how my mom was too busy out with her boyfriend that she didn’t care to go pick me up, and that that day I came home to answer a call from someone calling from a payphone. I got hung up on after I cussed them out. I said she might have more than one, because that day he was looking for her and she wasn’t home. This made my dad really angry.. and caused him to grab my mom and take her to the room. They started arguing., but this time it was worse. We had lost our appetite from all the screaming. I suddenly heard my mom sob loudly. I got up quickly and went to the room. My dad had kicked her in the leg. I asked my dad what he had done.. “why did you say all that!? Why do you say those things?!” “because its true, but that doesn’t mean you have the right to hit her!!!” My mom was furious with anger as she cried. She tried to fight back while I tried to separate them. I was defending her from getting hurt by him. She slapped my arm… and told me to get away. As I write.. I write with a huge red spot on my arm. Hurt so far deep down inside and it hurts…. physically and emotionally. My father blamed it on me. Saying I shouldn’t be saying stuff like that. That it’s all my fault because I don’t take the car from her to stop her from leaving. Screaming at me that I am just like her and that I need to leave the house too. After he tells me all that he calls my name out asking me to go calm my mom down. Calls me saying “look…. Mary.. your mom” Not anymore, not this time I am not coming.
I am so angry at my dad.. for allowing this to happen. I am so angry at my mom for doing this to us in the first place. I have always just tried to fix this whole thing, but it seems that the shame I feel inside doesn’t let it rest. My mother only adds more fuel to the fire.
The cops showed up at my house and my sister came in my room and told me that I had to talk to them. I said “no, I’m not talking to anyone, about anything” “you have to” ..”no…” I stood in front of my door. forcibly trying to keep it shut and the woman cop forcibly trying to open it. I didn’t care. That how humiliated and torn inside I feel. She said to me, “I need to talk to you about what’s going on” …”no I don’t want to talk” “they told me you caused the whole argument..” “oh so now it’s my fault!?” “I’m not saying it’s your fault, but I need you to tell me what’s going on” “for what, it’s not the first the cops are called in this house, your not going to solve anything” She walked out of my room. I so badly wanted to let her know that it wasn’t my dads fault. No man should ever hit a woman I AGREE. What else is expected though? For so long.. this was bound to happen, and the cops sure as hell wont do anything about it. Believe me. I know. A man so angry and tore up into pieces inside.. while all she constantly tells him “I’m never going to stop leaving NEVER” ….and not explode? We both did.. I didn’t realize that I would be the cause of it but I knew it would happen sometime. I am sorry….
My dad had been really angry because that day she didn’t go get me I called him and let him know what was going on. That is what I get for being honest. For not keeping things from him. Insulted! I am done with all that. He’s not going to get anything said by me anymore. Did it ever occur to the stupid cop that maybe this has been going on for so long that I happened to explode? That your not suppose to say things like that to a 19 year old. She did blame me I felt it the way she said it. My sister blamed me..my own dad blamed me for my mothers own actions. I am the blame to everyone. In my own eyes I feel like I am far from the blame. I feel like she has done so much damage to this family that I want something to be done. The kids….. My brother. The one I love most in this world. Has to live through what I once had to live through when I was younger. I am so sorry.. but I promise that one day everything is going to be okay. Though I can’t be around as much I know that you are stronger than I was once when I was little. When I can be here, I will do whatever to defend you.
I’ve never felt this way towards my mom until now. I feel like what she did… took the little compassion I had towards her away. I don’t know how I will cope with what I am feeling. Though maybe some of you may think that it’s all my fault . That is okay, because deep down inside my heart …I know why I feel the way I do. Why I acted the way I did. I am not expected anything from anyone. No sympathy nothing.
I wish I had an explanation for why things have gotten this way. God. I am not ungrateful I thank you for so many things, I know things could be worse for me.
I'm sorry............
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